One of the great conflicts I have with eastern religions and my personal life is the renunciation of the world. When learning about asceticism, the though of leaving this crazy artificial world behind to find my inner self is so tempting. I long to “listen to the divine voice in my heart.” (Hesse 72) I have great respect for renouncing the world. I totally buy into the idea that greed and materialism is the root of suffering and that we should all simplify, simplify. I can totally relate to Siddartha when he “saw mankind going through life like a child or animal that he both loved and despised at the same time. He saw them toiling, suffering, and becoming gray-haired for the sake of things which seemed to him entirely unworthy of this price.” (Hesse 67) But as much as I am bothered by samsara, getting trapped in the cycle, I don’t see any way out.
I feel that I am stuck on the wheel of Samsara, but how do I get out?
The general ascetic approach to leaving the cycle is renunciation, or building up enough good karma until you can get to a life where you can renounce. Renouncing the world means you must give up everything, that is the material world (house, car, most food, clothes, etc) but then also things like careers, friends, family (Side note I am not saying all eastern religions or people believe in renouncing these things, but that in cases like the Samanas in Siddhartha, they do). As a westerner this concept is very difficult to jjjldfunderstand. Much of our life is based off of not only materialism, but also family status and our careers. “The strength of the West’s cultural spirit lies in its ability to push ahead indefinitely. However there is no secure foundation underlying this feverish pursuit of progress. Along with this pursuit of progress there is a feeling of discontentment and of emptiness. In order to fill this emptiness, the individual and the nation constantly find new ways for progress and expansion.” (X 285) I do feel that much of what defines me as a person is my skills and family connections, so while I would love to leave all of the materialistic crap, I don’t know if I could leave my family and career options. That does seem very empty. What would I be? Of course there is the possibility that it is foolish of me to reduce myself to something like a career. What does a career matter in the long run, after I am dead? If by refusing to focus on a career I could find true enlightenment wouldn’t that be more fulfilling? Am I just thinking I am filling the void, when really I am just deluding myself?
How should I define myself? Is a career enough, or do I need this kind of deep spirituality?
The other problem I have with renouncing the world is the guilt I think I would have. No matter how little it may be, I will undoubtedly consume part of the earth, so isn’t it my duty to give back, if not to my fellow man then to the world? I find it amazing that those willing to give up the world don’t seem to struggle or worry about taking food from others and non repaying them. Notice the following scene from Siddhartha:
“ ‘For more than three years, I have been without possessions, and have never thought about what I should live on.’
‘So you’ve lived off the possessions of others’
‘I suppose that is so. Even a merchant lives off what other people own.’
“Well said. But he wouldn’t take anything from another person for nothing; he would give his merchandise in return.’
‘Everyone takes, everyone gives, such if life.’
‘But allow me to ask: being without possessions, what would you life to give?’
‘I can think. I can wait. I can fast.’” (Hesse 62)
Siddhartha goes on to explain how those traits help him, but never shows how they pay the rest of the world. I have a friend, who since graduating high school, hasn’t really done a lot with his life. He is really smart, but not motivated. A couple months ago his family kicked him out of the house so he would have to get a job. My mom I being compassionate people are letting him stay in my room. No while I don’t think he is going on a spiritual quest, he can most certainly think, wait and probably even fast, but that does not help pay for the food and energy he does inadvertently consume. He would make a great Samana, because he has no problem depending on the generosity of others, without feeling a need to pay them back. I don’t mean to sound stingy, but if everyone did this, nothing would get done. Maybe we would have enlightened souls, but who would feed them?
I don't think I could ever be totally dependent on the charity of others
I am not trying to stereotype these religions, or minimize their worth. I really like the basic concepts, but don't know how I can effectively practice them and still hold on to certain western traditions I value. So where does this leave me? I think perhaps I will try to start by purifying my mind using the techniques of Ahimsa presented in the readings. Trying practical methods to become less violent, but realizing that “Absolute Ahimsa is impossible…To practice that, you must avoid killing countless creatures while walking, sitting, eating, breathing, sleeping and drinking.” (X 227) I don’t think I am spiritually ready for the extreme devotional practices of eastern thought, however studying them has helped me reevaluate parts of my life I can improve upon, and who knows maybe one day I will be an ascetic.
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